If dogs don't go to Heaven, I want to go where they do when I die

[primroseburrows]

I had to have my dog Roz put to sleep today. I sort of knew it was coming, but not this soon. The kids and I are all heartbroken, but she was getting sicker and more aggressive and at the end, I was scared of her. Apparently she'd had a brain tumour for quite some time, which caused the behaviour change.

She was almost eight, a black terrier mix, and when she was well she was the best dog (and the best friend) that anyone could ever ask for. The vet said she would have done the same for her dog (in fact, she had for one of her own dogs) and that I made right decision. The fact that it was I who made the decision still leaves me with a feeling of guilt, though, that my decision is the reason she's gone. But really, it's not. The tumour is the reason, and nobody caused that.

I'm trying not to think of her in the sad, scared, scary way she's been these past weeks, but rather at play in some vast field or running on the beach (she loved the water!). I like to think she's happy where she's gone.

She was our first dog. She won't be my last, probably, but it will be a while before I can devote time and energy to a dog again.

Roz was one of the best there is. She loved us and I think she knew we loved her. We're really, really going to miss her.

patchfire, I tried to call you to tell you, but I couldn't reach you and didn't just want to leave a message. *hugs*

Comments

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Oh no. I'm so sorry. And I know you still hate to have done it, but I do think you made exactly the right decision.

I remember when I was a kid a friend of mine had a dog in a similar situation with a brain tumor--the change in personality is awful. I believe Roz would have agreed, actually. She would not have wanted to be scary, especially to you. Still it's an awful thing to have to do.
:-(

[primroseburrows.livejournal.com]

Yeah. It might change, but right now I can almost feel her approval. How awful it must have been for her to be even afraid of me. She must have hated it. And she might very well have been in pain, which would make herr feel worse and more scared.